You Have Main Character Syndrome

Once, I was reading an article about a woman who was asked to quiet her child down. She exploded and claimed she and her child were being harassed. She concluded her tantrum with something that caught my interest: "You don't know me!"

I was kind of surprised as to why this phrase caught my interest. The funny thing is, I did know this woman. She's exactly like every other person who I've heard say, "You don't know me!" It was this article that has since passed into the vast internet ocean of information that made me realize that this woman and virtually every other person out there has an insatiable desire to be unique--rather these people who say or even think this to themselves have a fear of being normal.

So this got me thinking... Why are we afraid to be normal? Does being normal mean that you are a boring person? Does it mean you won't get anywhere in life? Why must we strive to be unique? Interesting questions for sure. I believe that the answer we're looking for is actually twofold. The first reason is that being unique is a psychological imperative. Many thousands of years ago as we were trying to survive, we found that if we worked together we would have a greater chance at survival. But then as we advanced further, strength in numbers wasn't nearly enough. The members of our communities needed to contribute in unique ways. Caveman Leader Ugg of the Uggnot Pack says, "Ugg already have man that kill buffalo with thumb. Ugg want someone can make buffalo tasty!" So over the next few thousand years, give or take, we've acquired the social need to not only fit in, but stand out. Those that are unique have a greater chance of being praised by their peers--and the more praise we have, the better our chances of survival. People are more likely to notice if we go missing one day. We have a greater chance at promotion. We accumulate more favors. Our unique feats attract mates. There are a million reasons for us to have that desire to stand out, and because of those million reasons, we generally have this instinct: if we aren't unique, we aren't surviving.

Of course, this is only the first reason we are afraid of normality. The second reason is what I like to call "Main Character Syndrome", and we all have it. This is a side effect of our society's ability to thrive being so successful that we are now more than saturated in entertainment. Movies with relatable main characters, music that allows us to relate to the artists, video games that literally make us the main character... while innocent on the surface, the effects of this kind of entertainment can also have an interesting effect on us, and I see it more and more every day.

When we consume this entertainment, we consume it because we relate to or strive to be like the characters--particularly the main characters. Why? Because they're (usually) the good guys, and in our minds we're certainly the good guys! No real-life villain ever thinks, "MUAHAHAHAHA! I'm the bad guy in this story!", not even the terrorists. Everyone sees themselves as the hero, and what kind of entertainment, philosophy, or daily task we put into our brains influences how we hero.

So why does it matter? If everyone sees themselves as a hero, what's the fuss about? Well, it's not necessarily that everyone is a hero that I'm concerned about. It's that everyone thinks they are the main character--that is, it automatically translates into, "I am a unique person who needs to get the main character treatment!" Here in Taiwan, Denise has a friend who worked a Korean restaurant (which I shall remain nameless). She hated every minute of it because there were inevitably always people who would come in and act like the characters in the Korean Drama they were currently binge-watching on their various free-streaming apps. But of course, it's a Korean Drama, so any interesting character that was being acted out literally forced the customers to act out and be jerks, usually to the employees. Otherwise it wouldn't be a drama, would it? 

In another example, I recently read an interesting Quora article where a guy said he regretted ever watching House. Now, I'm personally a pretty big House fan (and I'll probably throw several references to the show throughout the course of Taiwanese Takeout; sorry: House is on the menu!). I subscribe to most of his madness about people, but not his methods. This man, however, decided that House's methods were cool too, and began to more or less be House. It got him fired from his job, and he essentially destroyed his family and friendships with his absolutely disgusting behavior towards other human beings. In the cases of both the Korean Drama fanatics and the House-alike, they attached themselves to the behavior of the main characters they idolized and then emulated them. "If it's good enough for the characters that I relate to, then it's good enough for me!"

So we want to be unique. Why is that an issue? Well, I see a social paradox with this: if everyone is striving to be unique, then being unique becomes the new normal. Everyone claims they are unique. Even if they don't claim they're unique, they think they are. It's a consequence of having only one true perspective. If we were a hive mind, then we would know without a doubt who actually would stand out in our collective--and I'm sorry to tell you that it wouldn't be many. I'm willing to bet that your music library is going be comprised of 60% of the songs that the random person sitting on the bus next to you has. I'm sure that 80% of job interviewers will hear the same story from their interviewees--and if not, it will be something fairly similar. How do you stand out in a world where everyone is claiming to be a unique and special snowflake? You stand out... by being normal.

I once heard my best friend say something: "Normal is a setting on the dryer." It's a cute phrase that helps people who are afraid of how others see them, but I submit that this is the wrong way to think. In fact, it feeds to the opposite notion of being unique. If everyone strives to be unique and celebrates their uniqueness, then the only unique person is the one who claims that they are normal. If I state that I am unique, then I am adding my voice to the competitive throng of people demanding to see my ability to add to the crowd. And maybe you're right. Maybe there is no one out there that can bring to the table what you bring. It's not likely. But hey, go for gold, am I right? 

With our world the way it is today with our media and entertainment, and with our limited one-perspective view on the world, it's virtually impossible to cure our Main Character Syndrome. And that's okay. We can minimize the damage we do to ourselves and others by taking a step back, realizing that we in fact aren't the main characters, and appreciate all the normal in our lives. If we stop, take a breath, and realize it's okay if we're not the best at something or the most unique person at that job interview or the life at that party, then perhaps we will be one of those things. Take a deep breath and relax. Be you. That doesn't mean to say be unique. It doesn't mean to be normal. It means to be you. Whether it's normal, not normal, herioc, villainous--it doesn't matter. If you are not you, then how will you expect to appreciate you when the time comes? Don't let your Main Character Syndrome control your life, and remember: it's perfectly okay to be normal!

Thank you for choosing Taiwanese Takeout!